i'm not sure why i've been up since 445am, but i was lying in bed with many thoughts swirling around my mind.
it's been almost a year since i've shared anything personal in this little corner of the internet and this morning probably won't be the day that i start up again. what i want to say about God's workings in my life over the last year would take alot of time and space -- a worthy project, without a doubt -- but for another early morning.
despite all of the events that have woven the days of the past year of our lives together -- i've been truly learning how to train up my child, sharpening my tools as a parent and exploring new ways to make my home a place of peace and organization.
interestingly enough, lately, i've often been asked, "so...what do you do? you stay...home? do you work...?" instinctively, i used to recoil at the innocent question mostly based on some insecurities i have about leaving the world of suits and heels and cubicles and politics in order to be a homemaker. though i boldly decided to be a stay at home and be a mother and wife, and have never regretted the decision -- the shocked looks and inquisitive nature of others caused me to sub-consciously devalue my role in this family and in this city.
through a blog that i currently follow, i was reminded that there is no need to justify my standing in this temporal world to anybody. there was no need for a defensive spirit within my heart.
i am really only accountable to Christ alone -- and it's ok, because though changing diapers and doing dishes seems mundane, i am creating a Home. a Haven. and there is little to be found in this fleeting life that compares with what exists inside the four walls of my house. it is priceless work (for which i don't have much time!) to lay a Biblical foundation for Isaac, doing my best to ensure he understands that his life's value will (hopefully!) never be about education, credentials, popularity, accolades, or any vain, insufficient, and wholly unworthy causes of this world. as a mother in a city full of type-A personalities (me!), that's a tall order, but i embrace it as my life's calling and responsibility.
and in that -- i find freedom from Satan's accusations that i am irrelevant...
as Carolyn Mahaney writes below, I am shaping my child to be an eternal tool for God's glory alone, and that is momentous, enduring, significant work...
her moving blog entry is pasted below...and i need tissues each time i read it:
Nicole was nine, Kristin eight, and Janelle four when we first moved
into our home on a cold February day in 1986. Chad wasn’t even born
yet. Today, a sunny one in June, twenty-two years later, I’m boxing up
(and sometimes throwing out) two decades worth of memories.
Of the more than 8000 days I spent in this home, there were a few
dramatic ones: the day I announced to CJ that “surprise, you’re going
to be a father again!” or the day Kristin fainted and we had to call
the ambulance, or when Mike serenaded Janelle outside her window at
6am, or when Nicole returned from the hospital after life-saving
But most of my days looked pretty much the same.
I got out of bed each morning so that I could do everything I did the
I washed the dishes so they could be dirtied again.
I ironed the clothes so they could be worn and wrinkled again
I wiped noses so they could run again.
I picked up toys so they could be played with again.
I mopped the floor so mud could be tracked on it again.
I cooked meals so that I could go to the grocery store again.
I made beds so they could be slept in again.
Some days I wondered: if I do all I do, only to have it undone, am I
really doing anything?
Today, as I pack up my home in June of 2008, I can see the answer more
clearly than I did in February 1986. Each of my daughters is married
to a wonderful, godly man, Chad will be a sophomore in high school
this fall, and we’ll welcome our seventh grandchild at the end of
I realize that all of the mundane, repetitive days were actually full
of significant, enduring work. A home was being built. A family was
being knit together. Four souls were being shaped for eternity.
This home has spawned three more homes where the same tedious yet
momentous work goes on day in and day out. And God willing, many more
homes will one day be built, day by day, so “that in everything they
may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior” (Titus 2:9).