Sunday, May 18, 2008
it's sorta hard to really see how i really don't fit into ANYTHING other than this dress, these days.
but this is me!!! at 23 weeks :)
and of course, this is kristi, a friend who is 34 weeks along, this past saturday -- at her baby shower!! can you even handle how that's not even a maternity dress? the girl is still able to rock a regular ole' dress and here i am, 11 weeks behind her, in maternity gear. sweet. then again, somehow you can pull off anything when you're a cute, tan, blonde chic! but not me.
she's having a boy too -- so it was a great time watching her open gifts -- but also a bit overwhelming. it made me realize how...time...is ticking...and i've purchased ZERO supplies for this baby. and boy, oh, boy, there's ALOT of confusing stuff out there to choose from. i watched with amazement, but also with a bit of trepidation and feeling a bit overwhelmed. where to begin? what am i doing? i couldn't even tell you the last time i've BABYSAT, much less considered what sorta diapers, or lotions, or bottles, or ...ANYTHING...that i want?!
my eyes glazed over when she showed me her new crib that arrived and her fabric swatches for making his bedding, curtains, pillows, and blankets.
my mind went crazy...."am i BEHIND? will i be ready in time?!"
i frantically called two of my close friends to ask when they registered for their showers.
"oh....4-5 mths out from my due date."
i'm inside four months already.
i've enlisted them both to register for me -- given they both have sons under 1 year old.
(glenna, how the HECK did you know what to do when you went to do this?! you must be more baby savvy than myself!)
i need to get on the ball.
i've got NO nursery furniture.
no nursery theme.
no baby clothes.
some moms have told me, "who cares.....you only need a moses basket-type thing and some diapers when you bring him home...." which is true. but still. i'm not really a "wing-it" type of girl. and my husband stocks up on Paxil whenever he hears me try to pretend that's how i'll tackle my first months as a mom.
"oh...well...it'll be fine! i guess i'll just learn as i go!"
::: chad runs for cover, muffling sobs, violently shaking his head :::
so, dragging "baby room" out of the cob webs of my mind and at least putting it on the back burner would be appropriate at this point. obviously, i've been incredibly busy with the house and with clients -- but i know i've also done alot of hiding behind those excuses. i've been scared. still too nervous to splurge. too terrified to really....materialize any plans or arrangements.
but....boy.....going to a baby shower really kicked me in the pants.
i'll try to shift gears now, however nervous it makes me. however panicked it makes me feel......