....where are the cameras?

i feel like i should be on a "flip that house" sorta HGTV show. except...somehow, the joke's on me. honestly....when i have my phone on speaker, calling my 100th contractor for the day....asking how the floor measurements could POSSIBLY by off by 100 square feet IN YOUR FAVOR.....or asking for definitions on different staircase wood installation options.....or comparing my zillionth quote....or hearing my carpet is back-ordered....or learning that new area rug really does NOT match my paint colors....or being told that quote you gave me yesterday, mr. floor installer, was actually HALF of the amount you just quoted me for today.....

...yeah...i hang up the phone and look over my shoulder for the cameras.

i think i'm pretty good under pressure.
but throw in a few high-strung hormones into the mix....
you'd see me scream, literally, in my car alone.
you'd see me cry, and hang up on people on my phone.
you'd see me break down and drink a diet pepsi (glenna, that's for you....:)

you'd see me completely melt down when i killed THREE HOURS of precious time at the VET AGAIN yesterday for my pathetic dog who is NOW diagnosed with psychological depression. wish i was kidding.

i'm fraying at the edges.....and we're so close. the house is almost ready to roll.....settlement is a few short days away....and for the most part, i'm doing ok. but boy....working with contractors and dealing with builders, is kinda insane. very insane.

there's a reason i believe that people only build their dream home....ONCE. it's not fluffy fun. (no, this is NOT our dream home...but i'm sure lots of people ignorantly enter into the daydream of building a home before realizing HOW MUCH HARD WORK it involves).....

i need to go read what i just wrote b/c it doesn't even seem coherent in my head....
did i even write full sentences?
hold....i need to scroll up and read....

sounds pretty coherent to my sick little head :)

so.
that's the drama the past few days.
i know this next little problem isn't going to solve the war in Iraq....and it certainly isn't going to cure cancer.....and it's not really a problem at all....

but i'm losing sleep over paint colors.
there.
i said it.
sure -- we're WILDLY over budget with contractors.
sure -- we move in 2 weeks and i have yet to pack ONE ARTICLE of anything.
sure -- my husband just told me he's taking a business trip over the TWO DAYS the moving van is packing our stuff.
sure -- my dog is near death.

but....my #1 issue right now....is finding the perfect color blue for my family room and office.
it's pathetic and lifechanging, i am aware of this.
but people....BLUE IS TOUGH!!!!
i've never painted with blue before.
i'm more of a red/gold/neutral/warm colors type of girl.
to me....i can SEE a color in that catagory and just KNOW it's right ....or not.
do you realize BLUE is impossible?

maybe i'm just burnt out...and over it. maybe my decision making capabilities have gone kaputz. but people....it's holding up the ENTIRE decorating process. i can't buy window coverings...i can't complete my furniture selections...i can't finalize area rug choices....UNTIL I KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND THE BLUE THAT EXISTS IN MY PSYCHOTIC LITTLE HEAD.

do you realize the PAINTERS START a week from YESTERDAY??? i have 5 days to DECIDE on paint colors, purchase supplies, make copies of keys....and let the beasts free in my new home???

my mom will die when she hears this -- but -- i think i'm canning the entire blue ordeal. i just cna't take it anymore. i need to MOVE on.

then, my next tragedy was: i drove ALL the way to pottery barn (got lost twice along the way, cried, freaked on chad as he gave me directions over the phone, and finally found a parking spot)...only to realize i HATE the very chairs i drove all the way there to PURCHASE and pick up??

i know i know....we're not talking world hunger here....but....it adds up.

then the settlement company botches our final settlement estimate and gives me attitude when i call you TRY to understand what he's sent me.

"george...i'm calling about the 'cash to close' numbers under item 303.....it's off by....oh....SEVENTY THOUSAND dollars....and i'm just a little confused..."

"yeah, trust me....you SOUND pretty confused, allison."

:::: holds phone in front of face while making evil expressions, refraining from slamming it down and hanging up on him :::

"well, george -- if we're buying the house for THIS ....and our downpayment is THIS.....how on earth do we owe THIS on monday....?"

"oh. yeah. i must be confused -- thanks allison. we'll fix it right away."

why the attitude george? i just saved your scrawny little A** on settlement day. you're quite welcome.

what else...what else....

well, i'm done for now. i could go on forever.
we plan on asking the evil dog owner for compensation on our $1800.00 doggie hospital bills, this weekend. we dont think it'll go over very well, at which point, i'm primed and READY to inform him that i'll see him in court on whatever date he's SERVED WITH. breathe. allison. breathe.

have i mentioned our church OR our bank....has somehow misplaced 1/3rd of our tithe checks this year? awesome.

have i mentioned i was up till 1am last night prepping our taxes? which we haven't done. which we BETTER not owe money on.

have i mentioned i had another root canal on monday? or that i wear a new jaw splint that i HATE?

have i mentioned i HAVE A JOB??!! that inbox of mine SURE AINT getting smaller every day that i ignore it.....

so this is why i've been hit or miss lately.....
i feel pretty BIZERK right now. none of it is life or death -- but compiled it starts to feel pretty heavy.

but i will BE BACK SOON...and better than ever!!!!
i miss you all -- stay tuned!!!