so i hit a wall this month.
lots of frustrating, crappy things happened, but hopefully it's behind me and i can get on with my duty of blogging. ha.
i think there was a catastrophic union between A) sheer exhaustion catching up with me, B) mourning, C) illness, D) isaac's newfound lock-down (due to a choice we made in the vaccination arena), and E) Puff's travel schedule.
knocked me over and left me reeling.
i still don't feel 100%, but i think i'm on the mend.
i did however find strange solace this month by watching a new season of jon & kate plus 8, and the amazing race.
have you ever noticed it's more fun watching tv with somebody? why is that? normally i dont watch much more than Fox news. but it was actually alot of fun watching amazing race with puffy. my mom is always asking me if i watch certain shows throughout the day and i have no idea what she's talking about. lots of peeps were high on life with the "new season of such and such" starting and i'm thinking, "when do new seasons start? or end, for that matter?" well, that's not fair b/c i was keenly aware of when The Office season was over. i shed a few tears when i have to watch reruns for months on end.
uhm, oh right. i have a kid. and he's getting huge.
he'll be 12 weeks old on friday.
can you even handle it? frankly, i feel like he's WAY older than 12 weeks. sometimes it does feel more like 12 years.
i went back to church for the first time on sunday and it was WEIRD. because he was so little and breastfeeding was SO complicated, i just couldn't be bothered to wake him up, spend an hour breastfeeding, then another 20 minutes pumping, then change isaac and get him situated, in enough time to perfectly coordinate walking out the door and walking back through the door to get to church and back. forget it. i got overwhelmed just thinking of it. so i would stay home and chad would go to church.
well on sunday, i went and i have to say, it was crazy weird. so many memories flooded back.
the last time i was there, i was constantly mapping out where the bathrooms were, constantly starving, and uncomfortable. gosh, if i only knew what my week would hold, the last time i sat in those pews. craziness. but it felt SOOO good and refreshing to be out of the house and back at home with a bunch of faces i haven't seen in so long, at church....
ok, so isaac is doing this HORRENDOUS thing lately, where he wakes up at 4am and wants to party. full on bouncing, smiling, trying to stand up, talking....PAAAARTY. i even try to sit there and rock him in pitch darkness, which calms him down a little bit....and so i put his head on my shoulder and rock for twenty minutes, only to pull him away a bit long enough for me to see if he's dead asleep...and HE IS STILL STARING AT ME. wide eyed. you must be kidding me, kid. if you weren't so GOSH-DARN CUTE i would tear my hair out.
i've decided that maybe it's time to put him back to bed -- wide awake. i cringe b/c chad is such a LIGHT sleeper that if isaac decided to pitch a fit about it -- chad is the one who will suffer. and chad is the one who has to get up and bring home the bacon. so chad takes priority.
but last night, (er, wee hours of the morning) -- into the crib he goes.
and he proceeded to protest until 715am.
how many of you moms would do a mid-night feeding, change diapers, rock for a while...and proceed to put your kid back to bed wide-awake?? why does it break my heart to close his door knowing he's staring into darkness, all alone? I CANT DO IT!!!! but i'm trying. i need encouraging stories....
help me not feel so guilty.