was that 30 min, 30 days, or 30 years...?

it's officially been 30 days since the miscarriage.
i'm sorry, but....that flew by.

the only reason i even though of it today was because i finished my birth control pack -- the only source of "time-keeping" i've dealt with this past month. i had a vague idea of how my cycle was going to be due to the BCPs, and my period should commence this weekend to kick-start a new cycle.

i'm feeling a bit torn about how to address the mighty period.
normally, i call the clinic and they see me on the 3rd day of my period. (CD3)
they run the normal hormone tests to ensure all's in check and in my case -- they'll be super-interested to see how those pesky ovarian cysts look. obviously, since we're NOT trying for another 3 mths, my interest lies only in checking out the scene with the VaggieCam (aka., Oracle, if you will).

then again -- they said it would take "one to TWO" months for the cysts to dissolve and i'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest they used the SPREAD of one to two months as a way to make me stop crying. it's probably going to be two mths. i bet there are some remnants still in the ovaries, and the false hope they gave me regarding ONE month was to offset the fact that my newly discovered pregnancy had just expired. with that said -- maybe it's best to not break our stride and to continue to hold our distance from said clinic as was our previous plan.

i will be picking up my charting again, i've decided. just because i've been on the insulin meds now for OVER TWO MTHS and i'd like to see if my ovulation patterns have improved. my lil' experiment -- as if we need an even MORE mad scientist under this roof....

i wish i had something exciting to report -- but it feels REALLY nice to say -- I DONT. ;)
i think i mentioned we sold a car.
well, tomorrow at 9am, a friend is coming over to test drive our 2nd car (we have 3) and hopefully buy it on the spot. it'll be weird to be left with only one car temporarily, but -- it won't be for long and i actually don't have another LOCAL wedding until the first weekend in January. granted, i have one in DALLAS on december 15th -- but chad's comin' with me -- so we'll both drive in the car together to the airport. therefore -- it'll be slightly inconvenient in our 1-car-interim but, not the end of the world.

i'm trying to figure out what i want to drive once the red rice rocket trades hands and is no longer mine. i honestly am not into cars. i can't even THINK of something i'd like to look at. i feel my brain shrugging when asked to think of a preference. it's just a set of wheels and i couldn't care less.

i know i'm going to regret jinxing myself by EVEN SAYING THIS, but i'm about to enter "THE SEASON" of the year i've been waaaaaiting for. and no...i'm not refering to Christmas, though i'm thrilled for the holidays.

i'm talking about the NO-WEDDING-SEASON. i intentionally blocked off three months (jan - march) in 2008 for no weddings. clearly, it was done b/c i had expected i'd be undergoing IVF and didn't want the extra stress of weekends being tied up. that flew right out the window...and now i'm left with three months of a bright, clean, EMPTY calendar. and i've been REALLY intentional about keeping it that way. the possibilities are endless....i could do so many things....but i already have a list of internal house-keeping things to take care of. it's been a YEAR coming and it's time to get some stuff done.

see, i went from one job to this job.....without much planning. i never drafted a business plan. i never "branded" myself. i never did any advertising. i never set up an accounting system. i had no idea what my niche would be...or NOT be...i never invested in an organizational concept for my home office. my equipment is hodge-podge. i never figured out how to USE the blackberry i bought 6mths ago. i never built a fresh website. i've just been scraping by....trying to keep up....wondering what the HECK i'm doing.

sure....it's not as exciting as IVF, but these months will be JUST as productive in other ways.
we're going back to the drawing board.
we're building from the ground up all over again.

i'm always inspired by a story i heard once about tiger woods. my inlaws are fanatic fans of his and i get sucked into watch golf tournaments. on one particular tourney, he was doing pretty terribly, which is SO out of character for him. even i know that. i made a comment that he's going to LOSE....and not win that game. my inlaws quickly "reminded me" (hello, LIKE I EVER KNEW in the first place....) that tiger had decided to "re-vamp" his swing to improve his game -- the entire year was going to be an evolution of his new golf swing....he INTENTIONALLY chose to hurt his game in the SHORT-TERM.....to become better in the LONG-TERM. it was a long-term plan that seemed stupid to me when his swing OBVIOUSLY had been "good enough" all along......

it was clear that he was obviously struggling with his new swing....admitted even by him....but stuck with it and took a hit NOW....so he could be the BEST later. good is the direct enemy of great.

and i want to be great. it will involve a higher, sleeker level of efficiency...and i'm ready!

oh! and be on the lookout for The Bethesda Magazine!! (Bethesda's version of the Washingtonian)
they called me last night to run some pics of the wedding i shot last saturday!!! woo hoo! that was a fun voicemail to get late last night...

i'm zonked...
and i'm feeling cramps.

that means i need to fall asleep now.
toodles.