HELLLLZ BELLLLLLZ.......

i am recoooooooperating.

isaac couldn't care less that i'd like to blog for 6 hours a day.

but i have some DOOZY documentation of my wonderful weekend in jerrrrzy!!!!

(can somebody PLEASE tell me whay blogger doesn't upload pics in the order i'd LIKE THEM TO BE IN? if i move this blog...what's bester? wordpress? typepad? snailmail?...)

standby.

you wont be disappointed.

(....omw. did i just do that to myself....?)

Dr. Daddy....

i hope he's ready.
fortunately, 4 out of 5 of the above syringes tastes like straight sugar.
but boy, that pink one....that's no joke.
good luck with that.

as i was uploading this, i realized i have some pics on my cammie that you'd be sad to miss out on.

1 of the 4 daily "nebby-sessions."



name that gameshow:



smoking his hooka...



you're interrupting the good part of the show.
where i kick wildly. and scream. and ruin it for the other people in the room who have never seen it yet...



meet Curly.
the family dog.
it doesn't shed, bark, bite, eat, or cost me much money.
it's as close as he's gonna get to a dog ....for a LONG TIME....



and this is the part where chad and i have decided "baby einstein" left the room during production and during some bathroom break, the drunk intern slipped in and messed around with the footage.

or smoked a hooka of his own:



his new Bible.
he nearly shred a few pages out of Genesis, in his excitment...



a moment at the doctor yesterday where i full-on brimmed with remorse that i don't breastfeed anymore. he was SO upset, had a bloody nose from the flu test, tired, in pain....and when he was little, i would BF right after his shots and he'd calm down immediately....

those were the days....


ok....

NOW back to our regularly scheduled show.....
today's post is below.
this was just a blip on the radar....

sorry. ;)

monumental proportions...

so this is a huge weekend.
in keeping with a promise i made to myself to STOP TALKING ABOUT ALL THINGS BABY-SICKNESS-RELATED, it's time to discuss the hugeness of the next 48 hours.

my best friend.
christina marie.
is having.
her bridal shower.
o.
m.
g.....!

with that said, it's a huge event.
i met chrissy in 1998. 1998! truth be told, that doesn't sound THAT long ago. to me. when i say it to myself, it...feels like yesterday. but it certainly was not, and i have some sinful evidence of the fact that it was, certainly, a long time ago...buried somewhere in the photo albums.

chrissy and i became friends against just about every set of odds...yet...the friendship came so naturally that we had no choice.

just two days ago i was talking with chad about friendships...and stages of life...and taking full advantage of the people around us TODAY because they've been placed in our life, strategically by God for a purpose...

and it got quiet for a moment...

and i realized that the last time i TRULY and fervently prayed for a best friend to be placed intentionally into my life -- God gave me chrissy. (and christin. and allison berry.)

way back in 1998.

and these girls are still willing to travel across the country, once again, so that we can sit around during the wee hours and share, laugh, love and encourage each other.....and CELEBRATE that one more is getting married....

i have SO LONGED for this trip and am SO EXCITED to join everybody and celebrate CHRISSY'S upcoming wedding!!!!

i hate blogger bc it always uploads pics in WEIIIIRD order, but here we go!
here's us at the white house! well, a bunch of us!!!



i was 6mths pregnant here and chrissy came to sit poolside with me last summer!



and drink decaf. boo.



back in 07, Puff ran the NYC Marathon...look at lil' chrissy and her then boyfriend, soon to be fiance!!!



i was actually DIGGING HARD for the photo of chrissy getting mad that she missed the bouquet at my wedding, but couldn't pass up this photo instead!



aw!!!!



no CLUE what face we're each making here...but my saviors in 1998.....



classic.



classic-ier.



who has the ORIGINALS of these photos on the beach? mine are saved so TINY!!!



this was the day after i became a mom. how precious is this memory....



this was my baby shower that i was never able to attend, however, i somehow don't feel like i missed anything! i was there VIA WEB-CAM!!!! :)



thank you chrissy for always being there and HERE WE COME!!!!!

for those of you who have asked:

1) no. i will NOT be bringing my dearly beloved child to NYC with me. Puff-Chaddy is responsible for him, for a solid 48 hours and i'm trying to be ok with it. AKA: ignoring this INCESSANT urge to draw up lists, diagrams, death-threats.

2) isaac is SLOWLY on the mend. he actually laughed this evening. i thought i would melt into a puddle on the floor and just die right there on the spot. HE IS GETTING BETTER!!! he's got bronchiolitis (huh?) and is on a litany of medications that would heal the bubonic plague -- much less a little lung infection. right? gulp. hope so.

uhm. that's it. only 2 points. no #3. sorry.

i haven't packed yet. i haven't finished laundry yet. i haven't done jack crap yet. aaaaaand whaddya know, my husband is out of town, so frankly, it looks like i won't be getting much done for some bit. we're thinking about leaving at 7pm on friday (me and Jujube will be driving up together!) and returning at some point on sunday. Puff has all but SWORN to keeping our kid in SHUT DOWN, in order to protect him from outside germs...so i plan on placing a nanny-cam somewhere in the house to hold him to it.

i feel kinda bad cuz these people are gonna be shackin' up at my place for the weekend and i wont even be here! furthermore, their room is basically IN the baby's nursery, which outta be boatloads of fun, right around 2am when the child decides to always start hacking up a lung. hopefully puff will be the hostess with the mostess and ensure smooth-sailing around here....

***
***

i swear.
i'm totally ok with chad being in charge of the infirmary this weekend....


yes.
that is 3 nebulizer medications, antibiotics, OTC pain management, reflux meds...among other things.

trust me. he'll appreciate it. even if he never admits it.

Three Hours in the "SICK Waiting Area"

would you believe me if i told you that i never actually SEAT myself or my kid in the sick waiting area of the pediatrician's office? from what i gather, splitting of the waiting areas is a normal occurance. at least around here it is. the waiting rooms are split into different rooms and the well babies never have to smear germs with the UNwell babies.

yea well.
even in all of our unwell glory -- i refused to sit. over. there.
today it wasn't an option.
and from the looks of the UNwell waiting area, you'd think they had declared it a snow day and all schools were shut down, with their students camping out in the same 8x8 sq. ft. room. and i've had plenty of time to ponder that this is their way of perpetuating sickness, in order to keep themselves in business. there were tears, coughing, sneezing, UGH. so GROSS.

my appt was at 11am and i was bitter enough about having to be there. frankly, i had been running late all morning and needed to let them know that, as i'd probably be 10 minutes behind schedule. don't you love the attitude you get if you'll be running late? i roar laughing. oh really? you're gonna CHARGE ME if i'm late, well....who charges YOU for all the flipping times i've waited and waited for MY TURN in the doctor's presence? ....again?

wouldn't you know i had the pleasure of collecting sick germs for an HOUR, waiting for our appt. like, at WHAT POINT during your lecture to me about being late, did it occur to you that you SHOULD have said, "dont rush! sick-kid-pile-up! running behind schedule! see you whenever you wanna hokey-pokey your way in!" no. they'd rather me push my 6-points-on-my-license-luck and peel into your parking lot, and watch me sweat through my sign-in.

lets make a long painful story, much shorter = my husband had to take isaac back to the pedi at 430pm, only to be told. AGAIN. the docs are running 45 minutes behind schedule.

it's true.
and this is why, after much discussion with a few friends, that crazy people with kids just decide to do WILDLY irrational things, like, blow people up behind registers with bazookas. or jump off bridges. you hear these stories and wonder, "WHAT THE HECK got into that person?" yeah. well. we obviously share pediatricians.

just a virus, huh?




really? a virus? VIRUSES DONT TAKE 21 DAYS to run their course, and then make wretched turns for the worse.....



anger management merlot:



of course i could write an ENTIRE separate post on how husbands just DO NOT detail every last breath your kids takes, nor do they take enough details to come home armed with information for the awaiting mama. diagnosis? "dunno." why the meds?! what did they decide was wrong with him???? "....er....uhm....didn't say." holy crap what is that bag of meds....how much did you spend at CVS!? ".....$131."

ON THREE MEDICATIONS.
the flipping nebulizer is lined with 14k gold.
note to self. call insurance TODAY.

so that's IT? there's nothing else the doc said???!
"not really....but....you can ask him yourself when you see him on friday morning again...."

and then i corked another bottle.

***********
***********

is this weird?
i was making west-coast gang signs in my description of this hippy-granola pediatrician and chad couldn't keep a straight face.

headed back to pediatricians office...
...should i stop by mcdonalds, again....?

yeah....

you know. you can almost hear him thinking it. 'yuck it up, ma. get it all outta your system. because guess what. you're not getting a WINK of sleep tonight. you'll contemplate suicide before dawn breaks. i'm not ANGRY about the freaking swaddle. i'm on the verge of full-on INFECTION-VIRUS-MELTDOWN-IMMUNE-SYSTEM-REBELLION.'

i should have known the last laugh would be on me.

sure.
we made it through the night without the swaddle.
only to feel like a GEEE-IANT tool, letting him belt out little yelps all night, and find him drowning in his own snot this morning, with a cough worse than ...well... whatever.

i knew my day was shot to hades, the second i saw him.
i scooped him up, took his temp (FEVER!), and canceled my lunch plans. like. THE first lunch plans i've ever even ATTEMPTED to schedule (because of things like this!), and wiped my day clean.

you know. we've been to the pediatrician's office 8x in this glorious month of march. sure, one was for his check-up, but THATS NOT THE POINT. no, it won't be IKEA purchases like saturday's that bankrupt this family. no no, it'll be a slow bleed of every FREAKING last cent we have, due to being nickel and dimed into COMING IN AGAIN for the doc to listen to his lungs (sounds clear!), take his temp (that tylenol musta worked!), and to look into his ears (all's well!), only to send me home to the DEPRESSION, otherwise known as NIGHTTIME in this house. the sun sets and the coughing begins, the snot runs, the temps spike, and sanity escapes. and every day i'm $25 poorer.

the perks of the pediatrician's office?
mcdonald's is on the way.
so, exactly 8x this month, i've eaten a #2 with a diet coke. (read: QUARTER POUNDER with FRIES) and it makes my life a little sunnier for the 5 minutes i sit in the pedi's parking lot, listening to Journey and Phil Collins, pondering life beyond 1 child. like. what the CRAP do you do with TWO kids. that's a big-fat-no-right-now.



enter the office, already, allison.
pedi does his THING...which i could do backwards, in my ....sleep (throws head back and LAUGHS LIKE A CRAZY PERSON!), with my hands tied behind my back. i swear. WHAT DID YOU STUDY IN SCHOOL, DOC? and he rambles on about all these things he suspects isaac must have...and sends me...on my ....merry way....without....ANTIBIOTICS. i stared at him and wondered if he could see right into my SOUL where i was cussing him out, calling him a liar, and wondering WHO WEARS leather vests, anymore. i did not believe a word he said. i still don't.

neither does he:


of course CVS doesn't have the ONE rx we were given.
but of course.

so in my delirious state, we drive home. i nearly hit two cars within 30 seconds.
i put isaac down for a nap. in his swing! no swaddle discussions! for his 3rd nap today.
and try to lay down myself.
but.
cant.
sleep.
because i hear hacking in the other room.
because i have 34234 loads of laundry.
because i have an album i should be designing for a client.
because i feel sick from my #2 with diet coke.
because i am supposed to leave town this weekend and am worried about Puff dealing with isaac on his own. with guests. in the guest room. RIGHT NEXT TO THE NURSERY. (good luck with that, portnoys...)

so i get up.
and for the first time in a long time...came this close to bursting into tears.
and i dont really know WHY.
but i buck up.
feed isaac.
and notice he's hot.
like.
very hot.
yep.
more FEVER.
more SNOT.
MORE COUGHING.
OOMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

so OBVIOUSLY i wanna talk to the doc stat before they close for the day.
i get transferred to a nurse. (whew. 2 minutes to spare before they switched their phones over.)
she tells me I NEED TO COME IN AGAIN.

"FOR WHAT? so i can pay your LIGHT BILL this month??!!! I WAS JUST THERE."

"well, doctor R won't call antibiotics in over the phone....."

"WHY? because he wont get PAID? this is RETARDED! i just SAW HIM FIVE HOURS AGO."

"hold please."

...........pacing living room. is it hot in here? i feel sweaty. isaac screaming. where's my coffee? WHERES MY HUSBAND.....

"allison? the doctor will give you a call shortly."

"i'll be waiting."

sure enough, he did call and we got into a little..shall we say....BRAWL about how i've spent $200+ IN CO-PAYS to his office this month and MY KID IS STILL SICK and therefore, YOU WILL CALL IN MY ANTIBIOTICS RIGHT NOW.

he refused.
i nearly flipped my desk over.
WE HAVE TO GO BACK AGAIN AT ELEVEN TOMORROW.

i am so angry i could KILL SOMEBODY. and drink. alot of wine. right now. mixed with coffee. why not.

am i being crazy? would you be mad? i'm THIS CLOSE to finding a new pedi....

lost his will to live....

life post-swaddle.
all purpose is gone.

zombie.

so swaddle training isn't going too well.

this isn't exactly the most exciting topic to most of you, but i'm really having an out of body experience, over here.

my kid is ADDICTED to his swaddle. which is cool, if said kid were ...like... 3mths old. but he's going on EIGHT months old, which means, mama would like to be able to GO OUT past his bedtime, and know that the sitter won't be stuck dealing with a screaming child, at bedtime, because his swaddle isn't fastened shut JUST SO. (wait. who am i kidding. i don't HAVE any babysitters.)

we're working on a 12-step program, and seem to be stuck on step 7: Learning to Live a New Life with a New Code of Behavior.

i've been given every piece of advice out there and frankly, feel pretty doomed.
2 nights ago he did SO WELL with his left arm free. we wrapped him and put him down with one arm free as a test to see if he'd be cool. he was way cool.

so last night we switched arms and he was way uncool with his right arm being free. read: crusted snotty mess, hoarse voice from screaming so long, and wailing fits on the hour, every hour, from 8pm-8am.

i held strong.
i left him in his crib.
i tried Ferber Method for crying infant.

and he woke up (HA! gotta SLEEP to actually WAKE UP...) this morning with this look of RAGE on his face and currently hates me.

of course his eyes were bloodshot, and he was delirious with exhaustion, so i put him down again (after he fell asleep in my lap) and he slept on his belly for an hour! CELEBRATE! then he cried for an hour! and fell back asleep!


yes, i took that picture at the MAGNIFICENT risk of waking him up. but felt it was earned. and yes, he woke up.

***
***

in other news, no garage cleaning was accomplished this weekend. boo.
BUT, isaac, Puff and i had a successful trip to IKEA to stock the new playroom with some necessities!

isaac behaved very well, though i'm clearly insane to attempt any of it on a SATURDAY. ikea. baby. saturday. WE:KJW:LKEJ:SLKDJF:LSKDJFSD.

and i have to tell ya, nothing can make or break your will, like assembling IKEA furniture on 47 minutes of sleep.

childrens chair assembly = cake. i'm brilliant!
sliding basket chest assembly = complex and ridiculous. i'm shocked i got into college!
childrens desk assembly = huh? monkey wrench?! since when does IKEA furniture need TOOLS. i quit!

the project is coming along, but i feel too drained to take on the 4 ft bookshelves at this juncture. or moving the IKEA sofa from the 4th floor to the 1st. (yes, in the metro-area, homes are very vertical. i assure you i do not live in a castle. i, rather, live in a tall tunnel.)

we're getting there....





why is it that projects seem SO COOL...until you're halfway through them.

i need a butler. and a slave.

and it wouldn't hurt to have my sweet baby back, too. :(

FOUR DAYS TILL I SPEND A WEEKEND IN NYC WITH MY GIRLS!!!!!!

home renovations....

no, not of the CONSTRUCTION ZONE type. just of the...reorganizing and redecorating variety.

why?

because isaac is mobile.
and...well...i'm wicked scared.

i turned my back for two seconds yesterday and when i looked back to check on him, he was screaming from under the bed.

don't ask. i have no idea.

therefore, my office is being demolished and done away with. OF COURSE i have house guests this evening, who will be impressed by their first impression of my home. awesome.

office is evolving to play room.

gross.
baby-toys-trucks-crap-paraphernelia will now be on the first floor of my house. but i figure, it's got french doors. i can close out the noise AND still see you! "hey! i see you! i just don't wanna always hear you! this is a great relationship!"

(child services, i'm busy this weekend. sure, i can pen you in sometime next week.)

all kidding aside, (was i kidding?) ...he's safest down there. no stairs to fall down. no sharp edges. no ceramic tile. nice soft carpet, nice soft sofa, bookshelves full of baskets of fun toys, and a bright sunny spot to enjoy an afternoon of lock-down. har. har.

benefits to you? more blogging!
my office is now in my bedroom (at the risk of my husband divorcing me, as this keyboard is NOT a noise-less one. APPLE! get on that!) and that means my computer is ever before me. so i'll be chillin' here more often -- and that means maaaaybe i can get back into documenting and exploiting all of the otherwise boring and mundane events of my life.

SIDEBAR: old navy is has SUPER CUTE things right now.

aaand that's a wrap.
baby steps.

i'm not ready to commit to a full-on, emotional and introverted post yet. though i feel it brewing, deep down in there. got alot on my mind...

if the home office/bedroom combo doesn't get me a one-way ticket out of this marriage, tomorrow's agenda most certain does! NESTING! SPRING CLEANING! HONEY-DO-HELP-ME-RIGHT-NOW-CLEAN-GARAGE!

have a great weekend, peeps!

wow...it's March, already....

...and isaac can fully communicate, now...