yeah....

you know. you can almost hear him thinking it. 'yuck it up, ma. get it all outta your system. because guess what. you're not getting a WINK of sleep tonight. you'll contemplate suicide before dawn breaks. i'm not ANGRY about the freaking swaddle. i'm on the verge of full-on INFECTION-VIRUS-MELTDOWN-IMMUNE-SYSTEM-REBELLION.'

i should have known the last laugh would be on me.

sure.
we made it through the night without the swaddle.
only to feel like a GEEE-IANT tool, letting him belt out little yelps all night, and find him drowning in his own snot this morning, with a cough worse than ...well... whatever.

i knew my day was shot to hades, the second i saw him.
i scooped him up, took his temp (FEVER!), and canceled my lunch plans. like. THE first lunch plans i've ever even ATTEMPTED to schedule (because of things like this!), and wiped my day clean.

you know. we've been to the pediatrician's office 8x in this glorious month of march. sure, one was for his check-up, but THATS NOT THE POINT. no, it won't be IKEA purchases like saturday's that bankrupt this family. no no, it'll be a slow bleed of every FREAKING last cent we have, due to being nickel and dimed into COMING IN AGAIN for the doc to listen to his lungs (sounds clear!), take his temp (that tylenol musta worked!), and to look into his ears (all's well!), only to send me home to the DEPRESSION, otherwise known as NIGHTTIME in this house. the sun sets and the coughing begins, the snot runs, the temps spike, and sanity escapes. and every day i'm $25 poorer.

the perks of the pediatrician's office?
mcdonald's is on the way.
so, exactly 8x this month, i've eaten a #2 with a diet coke. (read: QUARTER POUNDER with FRIES) and it makes my life a little sunnier for the 5 minutes i sit in the pedi's parking lot, listening to Journey and Phil Collins, pondering life beyond 1 child. like. what the CRAP do you do with TWO kids. that's a big-fat-no-right-now.



enter the office, already, allison.
pedi does his THING...which i could do backwards, in my ....sleep (throws head back and LAUGHS LIKE A CRAZY PERSON!), with my hands tied behind my back. i swear. WHAT DID YOU STUDY IN SCHOOL, DOC? and he rambles on about all these things he suspects isaac must have...and sends me...on my ....merry way....without....ANTIBIOTICS. i stared at him and wondered if he could see right into my SOUL where i was cussing him out, calling him a liar, and wondering WHO WEARS leather vests, anymore. i did not believe a word he said. i still don't.

neither does he:


of course CVS doesn't have the ONE rx we were given.
but of course.

so in my delirious state, we drive home. i nearly hit two cars within 30 seconds.
i put isaac down for a nap. in his swing! no swaddle discussions! for his 3rd nap today.
and try to lay down myself.
but.
cant.
sleep.
because i hear hacking in the other room.
because i have 34234 loads of laundry.
because i have an album i should be designing for a client.
because i feel sick from my #2 with diet coke.
because i am supposed to leave town this weekend and am worried about Puff dealing with isaac on his own. with guests. in the guest room. RIGHT NEXT TO THE NURSERY. (good luck with that, portnoys...)

so i get up.
and for the first time in a long time...came this close to bursting into tears.
and i dont really know WHY.
but i buck up.
feed isaac.
and notice he's hot.
like.
very hot.
yep.
more FEVER.
more SNOT.
MORE COUGHING.
OOMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

so OBVIOUSLY i wanna talk to the doc stat before they close for the day.
i get transferred to a nurse. (whew. 2 minutes to spare before they switched their phones over.)
she tells me I NEED TO COME IN AGAIN.

"FOR WHAT? so i can pay your LIGHT BILL this month??!!! I WAS JUST THERE."

"well, doctor R won't call antibiotics in over the phone....."

"WHY? because he wont get PAID? this is RETARDED! i just SAW HIM FIVE HOURS AGO."

"hold please."

...........pacing living room. is it hot in here? i feel sweaty. isaac screaming. where's my coffee? WHERES MY HUSBAND.....

"allison? the doctor will give you a call shortly."

"i'll be waiting."

sure enough, he did call and we got into a little..shall we say....BRAWL about how i've spent $200+ IN CO-PAYS to his office this month and MY KID IS STILL SICK and therefore, YOU WILL CALL IN MY ANTIBIOTICS RIGHT NOW.

he refused.
i nearly flipped my desk over.
WE HAVE TO GO BACK AGAIN AT ELEVEN TOMORROW.

i am so angry i could KILL SOMEBODY. and drink. alot of wine. right now. mixed with coffee. why not.

am i being crazy? would you be mad? i'm THIS CLOSE to finding a new pedi....