Tuesday, July 21, 2009

hustle, hustle.....sob.

so chad left us this past weekend, to party it up in santa barbara with some friends at a wedding. i remember the invitation having my name on it too, but for some reason, in retrospect, it dawned on me that chad didn't really invite me, himself.

"hey, i'm gonna head to CA for that wedding....you cool with it?"

because let's face it, dragging isaac on an airplane for 6 hours, along with ...you know...all that BABY STUFF, just did NOT sound appealing. only to do it again 48 hours later. for a dude i don't even know. congrats, but...i have never met you or your future wife.

with that said, it struck me on saturday night, while watching reruns of The Jacksons movie on VH1, that....HEY! i was LEFT OUT of the fun! chad was cruising the coastline in somebody's borrowed Porsche and ....well....i had the distinct honor of cleaning out isaac's room.


nevertheless, isaac was a wonder-boy all weekend and much was accomplished on the homefront. and subsequently, many tears were shed as well. i woke up inspired to ORGANIZE my house on saturday, given i had no babysitter, no place to be, really, and a baby room that still contained remnants of infancy. and well....HEY! ....he's not an infant anymore so....BAG IT UP! MOVE IT OUT! .....OMG PASS THE TISSUES!

i've never shed one tear about boxing up his belongings -- and that's probably due in part to the WONDEROUS thing called 'space bags.' (RIP, billy) i'd get so GOSH DARN excited to fill the space bags up and conduct my own personal home-experiments that it would eclipse any pangs in my heart over what i was actually doing....

FYI = space bags lose the luster.

so i perched isaac in a shopping cart and headed to the store to buy bins, more spacebags, organizing tools, etc.

i came home and went to work!
his dresser was still full of newborn socks, burp rags, hospital knit caps.....and during the digging, stashing, thankless work of cleaning....i uncovered his baby swaddle. i have no idea why but it very unexpectedly ripped my heart out. why are SO many emotions attached to the stinkin' swaddle? and while isaac proceeded to destroy all of my piles of folded clothes in catagories 0-3, 3-6, 6-12.....i sat down, hugged the swaddle.....and wept.

i think it's hitting me.
he's not an infant anymore.
i couldn't get the tears to stop.
omg...i may cry right now!
yep, screen is all fuzzy and my eyes feel hot.

i love you isaac!
but because your nursery (wait! will it still be called a nursery?!) is only 9x9 feet, i must pack away all things that remind us that you were, in fact, a little 5lb lump of love at one point. i must make room for all the bigger, crazier things i'm sure you'll get for your birthday....

but i will admit that a few things were spared from the spacebag....i just wasn't ready. and they are tucked away, back in his closet, close enough to pull out when i want to be reminded of all the joys and happiness this last year has brought me....


Julie Nickerson said...

Hey little love man,
Tell mommy I have lots of clothes to fill up that empty closet for your 1st birthday.

Auntie Juju

I'll grab the exersaucer from you next time I get up there.

Anonymous said...

Oh do we plan to clutter up that space ASAP come August 1st....I take great pride in hallucinating and pretending that he's my actual nephew. And since Parker's not helping out in that dept anytime soon, Isaac has to take the role! Can't wait to celebrate ONE YEAR!!!!!!!!

chrissy said...


Anonymous said...

Oh honey, I'm with you, how do we let this past year go? Or do we have to? Soooo many memories to hold on to, so I decided right now, lol, that we dont have to let it go. I would have sat and cried right along with you when you found his littl swaddle. Ohhh, makes me stomach sink just thinking about it. But we have sooo much to look forward to this up-coming year. He will be learning so much and doing so many new things this next year, it will be so much fun!! Oh how I love my little grand baby!! BOTH of them!!

Hope said...

Oh goodness he is growing so fast. While I am not family like your commenters, I have followed you for forever it seems. Yep, I am a stalker!

But, I am not a crazy stalker or anything...just love your honesty and your view of life, politics and such.