not "average"

ok, so...i've been a bit MIA lately because i have been given the distinct honor of compiling our "tax notebook" for our accountants. who. currently. hate. me.

my line of sight for the last 48 hours:


please take special note of the inhaler in the left corner. hyperventilation happens regularly during this annual event....

i cannot even believe i'm blogging right now.

but i cannot imagine passing up this opportunity to express the overflow of my heart, right now.

i am not an optimistic person. i dont say that in a bad way. i'm just not normally a optimist. i'm a realist. i've lived through some "realistic" (READ: BAD) situations in my life. i hedge myself. i do not take risk. i try to control ALL variables in my life.

my husband is the EXACT opposite. happy go lucky. feels completely secure with his "odds" in life and sleeps very well, without a stress in the world.

with that said....this past year has been somewhat bumpy.

as i dig up old receipts, annual statements, necessary "evidence" for our accountants....what a year 2008 has been. this week has certainly been a trip down memory lane.

much of which, i stressed BIG TIME over.
much of which, my husband handled with incredible grace and faith.

each day brings so much that we cannot understand until it transpires.
we obviously acquired alot this year. things we EXPECTED to acquire:





and that about maxed out our finances.

but there was no way to anticipate how many medical expenses i would accumulate.
i tried to not watch the tally add up.
i tried to not find myself crushed under the weight of it all.

i learned last month that we could WRITE OFF all medical.
well, that was a lie.
we can only write off anything ABOVE 7.5% of our annual gross income.
when i called the accountant, he assured us that "that is not possible. nobody exceeds 7.5% of their income."

after doing all the compilation...you can rest assured that we FAR exceeded that amount. FAR.


yes, you read correctly.
we've spent $21,315.32 in UNEXPECTED out of pocket MEDICAL expenses.

that could be financially devastating.
(and no, this does NOT include our medical bills from RUDY!!! har.)

my accountant raised his eyebrows and, goes, ".....er. wow."

out of pocket.
unexpected.
devastating.

.....or, so i thought.

God is so good and His provisions are beyond our wildest expectations.

i brought the number to chad, who had no clue it had accumulated to that amount and my eyes welled up with tears. i felt such guilt that MY physical shortcomings have accounted for a majority of these bills. the remainder was the NICU bills. i think chad actually accounted for MAYBE $200 of the entire amount.

isaac + allison = financial commitment.

chad looked at me and said, "we REALLY spent $21K on MEDICAL?"

i shook my head.

his response, "....wow. Praise God. He paid for every cent."

i had emotional whiplash.
here i had been mourning all that we could have done with that money.
and here my husband was thanking God for his provision of the money, period.
his money.

it wasn't money isaac earned.
it wasn't money i had earned.
chad has done all the work for it (through God's strength) and i had drained it....

and he was thankful.

i think back to all of the unhealthy relationship i have been in...and the people i could have potentially married...and i know that none of them could have provided for me the way chad does. and i'm not even talking about the money.

he is the soft place i land, emotionally. every time. never skips a beat.
his heart desires to simply take care of us...and he so does.

but more than that -- GOD provided for every cent of that. sure, we have debt....but i can say that not one cent of those medical expenses were paid for with credit or borrowed money.

His mercies were new EVERY day. even when i couldn't have forseen how i would have handled it.

i am so blessed to have Christ.
He owns the cattle on one thousand hills.
He is pleased to provide for our every need.
remember this?

so while this entire week could have been seen as shocking (INHALER! please) to me....
it seems i'm the only one shocked.

....why don't i have faith more often....

Christ continues to humble me....and so does he:





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pray for us because we're prayerfully considering a rather LARGE investment for 2009....and i look forward to sharing that with you in the days to come! :)